


maybe i'm a liar

by louchanan



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Body Dysphoria, Bottom Harry, Breeding, Comfort, Coming Out, Day At The Beach, FTM Harry, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Gender Dysphoria, Happy Ending, M/M, Rimming, Smut, Top Louis, Trans Character, Trans Harry, Trans Male Character, Unsafe Sex, Virgin Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-03-24 22:44:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3787099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louchanan/pseuds/louchanan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is different, Louis is in love, and Niall seems to know everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	maybe i'm a liar

**Author's Note:**

> I figured that since I, as a trans person, like reading about trans people, I should write about them too for other trans people. I found there wasn't a lot of trans AUs, which was unfortunate. So here's this. Hope it's okay. x (Also!! The time jump in between days differs a lot, it could be days, weeks, or months. Soz.)
> 
> Here's [my tumblr](http://www.louchanan.tumblr.com) if you wanna be pals. x

“Haz…”

“Mmm?”

“You should wake up right now… No one else is awake and I’m incredibly bored.”

“M’tired.”

“And I’m bored. Please wake up for me.”

“5 minutes.”

“2.”

“Are you trying to deal with me on my beauty sleep?”

“Beauty sleep? Why would you need that? You’re the prettiest boy of this lot,” Louis says and gently pokes Harry’s face, making the younger boy giggle even with his eyes shut. Harry quickly attacks Louis and pulls him into his arms.

“5 minutes,” Harry says as he snuggles his head into Louis’s chest and brings a leg on top of his. The older boy doesn’t object at all even with dark curls tickling his nose.

“I find it strange you sleep almost fully clothed,” Louis comments with a chuckle. “The boxers I understand, but the shirt too, Haz?”

“It’s comfortable for me,” Harry grumbles against his chest. “Now piss off.”

The older boy chuckles and rests his head just above Harry’s. Harry rests for another few minutes before he finally releases Louis and stretches out his arms with a yawn. “Thank God, I just really need to get out of this hotel for a bit,” Louis says as he slides out of the bed. “I’ll go tell someone we’re going out and come back for you in a bit.”

“Please knock when you come back,” Harry calls out as Louis exits the room. The older boy doesn’t question the request ever, which Harry is extremely grateful for. Most boys find it weird that Harry is extremely scared of being walked in on. He’s not really trying to hide something.

Except he is.

He throws off his sheets and walks over to his en suite that he’s already prepared. He shuts and locks the door before opening up the sink drawer. He pulls out the tiny vial containing a clear fluid inside as well as pulling out rubbing alcohol, a cotton ball, and syringe and needle to go with it.

He twists the needle onto the syringe before he shuts the toilet and sits on top of it. He rubs the top of his thigh with the alcohol-soaked cotton ball. He grabs the syringe off the sink and sticks the needle into the rubber stopper on the vial, slowly dragging out the clear fluid inside until he gets out however much he needs. 100 mg. He quickly jabs the needle into his muscle and pushes the thick fluid in. He pulls the syringe out once the fluid is gone and holds his cotton ball over the location as he searches the drawer for a plaster.

After the plaster is placed, he stands up and quickly searches for a new pair of boxers and jeans before Louis returns. With new boxers and jeans on, he pulls off his shirt and stares at himself in the mirror for a moment too long, fingers gently dragging over the settling scars. He wonders if the scars will ever fade enough to allow him comfort when taking off his shirt in front of his friends. He hasn’t even taken his shirt off in front of Louis, and Louis is his best friend. He just couldn’t handle the rejection if Louis knew everything Harry is and was.

He pulls on a white t-shirt just as a knock comes to his door. “Come in!” He shouts. Louis walks in with a muffin in his hand and a grey beanie he wasn’t wearing before on his head.

“Ready to go, babe?” He asks.

“Yeah, just need some shoes.”

The early hour makes it so they can walk around without a guard. They just need to be ready to run in case they do get caught by a group of fans that haven’t quite learned boundaries. “Want to get some breakfast maybe?” Louis suggests as he munches on his muffin. Harry just leans into his side and hums in accord. Louis smiles and wraps an arm around him.

They’ve been affectionate and touchy from the very start, but it was just Louis’s obsession with the boy at the beginning. Now he feels it’s something more, something deeper. He hopes that Harry has had that same progression.

They step into a diner and take a seat at a booth. While they order, Louis playfully nudges at Harry’s legs under the table, making him fidget and blush red as he looks up at their waitress. Louis wants their waitress to get an even dirtier idea of what’s happening to Harry under the table. Once the lady flees, Louis bursts out laughing and Harry smacks his arm. “Fucking prat,” he whispers with feigned anger but the little smile on his lips gives it away.

“You thought it was funny too,” Louis says. And yeah, he’s right. _That poor woman_ , Harry thinks. He’ll probably leave her an extra tip and write a little apology on their bill for his friend’s behavior.

Harry has Louis’s feet on both sides of his lap as they eat, and if he could, he’d tie both pairs of laces together. He stares at Louis while he drinks his orange juice and says, “You make drinking O.J. look sexy.” Louis chokes on his juice and feels it in his nose. Harry didn’t really think it was all that funny but he soon finds out it wasn’t just his comment Louis was broken by but the presence of their waitress and the fact that she heard him. Harry’s face flushes yet again. “We’ll just have the bill,” he says wearily.

He leaves several notes as an apology before Louis takes his hand and drags him out of the restaurant. Harry always brightens Louis's mood to the max so he walks with the younger boy with a slight skip in his step. And the younger boy just adores it. He'd love it even more if he knew he was the reason for it.

Back in Harry's room, Louis falls back onto his bed and sighs happily as he wraps himself up in sheets that smell like Harry. Harry smiles curiously at him before turning on the telly to a random channel then plopping onto his bed next to Louis. “This is still so crazy,” Louis mumbles. “Being on tour. Being like... Famous.”

Harry agrees. He's enjoyed tour and the fame so far. But he has this fear deep inside him that one day his fame will bite him in the ass. He's terrified that if people figure out what it is that he stabs into his body that they'll all stab him in the back. And he doesn't want to find out if Louis would be one of those people. His heart tells him that Louis is kind and accepting and wouldn't do that. But his brain that becomes more and more incapable of rational thought with every day that he tiptoes around his new life tells him that Louis will leave him behind. He's wanted to tell him ever since he figured out that they were best friends but he just couldn't risk it. He would die if anything happened to the comfortable atmosphere they share.

“Crazy in a good or bad way?” Harry asks.

“Eh, a bit of both, I guess,” Louis answers as he turns onto his side to look at the green-eyed boy. “Eventually I'll be able to pay for all of my little sisters' universities, help my mum, help the world. But there's also that... The more and more people that know my name, that know me, the more and more criticism. Sometimes I worry I won't be able to handle it as well as I think.”

“I’m sure you'll be alright,” He replies but he understands. He’s extremely aware that he isn't ready for hate. “If your feelings are hurt, I'll read some mean things about myself, so we can both be sad and drown in ice cream.” And Harry hopes that the older boy would do the same for him.

Louis snorts before mumbling, “Thanks, Haz. You're a true friend.” He turns onto his other side and curls into a ball so Harry spoons him. Being this close, Harry feels like bursting with how warm Louis makes him feel everywhere they touch. He wants Louis in the most innocent way but he's not sure if he could ever be what he wants.

He sighs sadly, wishing things could be easier.

There's a loud pounding at the door before a blond-haired boy nearly kicks down the door. He jumps onto the two boys and hums happily. “How are my two favorite lads?” Niall asks.

“Pretty alright until your horrid mug made an appearance,” Louis replies with a chuckle. “Happy birthday, lad. What have you been up to, mate?”

“Sleeping, eating, not always at the same time,” Niall mumbles, evidently still sleepy. “You guys ready for tonight’s show?”

Louis lights up as he smiles and nods. “Tonight is… the… gay gig?” Harry asks for confirmation. Niall hums his response.

“Yeah, the gay gig. Just a crowd of homosexuals cheering for us. It’s going to be so sick,” Niall replies. “Perfect birthday.”

“Are you trying to get with one of those homosexuals afterwards?” Louis asks with a tiny smirk.

“I’m not gay… but whatever happens happens,” Niall says. “I’m sure there’s at least one lad in the crowd hot enough to bum with.”

“I’ll let them know,” Louis giggles as he cards his fingers through Niall’s blond hair.

Harry thinks he’s too fond of every single pair of jeans Louis has in red. He watches him talking to Zayn as he pulls his burgundy blazer onto his shoulder. And he just can’t stop thinking about how much he loves the way Louis’s red jeans hug his hips and nicely tighten around his bum. He also loves the way his teal shirt shows off his tiny tummy. Harry sighs dreamily to himself.

He flicks his fringe out of his face and walks over, careful footsteps that he’s practiced for more than a year now. He wraps an arm around Louis’s shoulders, and like it comes naturally, Louis hooks an arm around the younger boy’s waist without breaking from his conversation with Zayn.

Liam steps into the room with Niall held in both of his strong arms. “Found the birthday boy!” He shouts before starting off the song. All the crew members in the room and those close enough to hear circle around Niall and Liam as they sing. Harry takes a quick picture of the scene with his phone.

They have a good time. Louis especially. When Louis shines brightly, it warms Harry’s bones. He really is the sun. The only thing that ever covers his brightness is the frosting of Niall’s cake that they bring out on stage. The white sugary paste covers his face and stains his shirt anywhere near his neck. He has to lick himself clean. And he makes quite the show of it, sucking on his frosting covered fingers digit by digit.

Harry is made uncomfortable by how hot it makes him feel. He finds plenty of people of attractive but he despises how it can make him feel. He doesn’t like the waves of warmth that pulse through his body until it dies out after hours or until he does something to stop it sooner. He doesn’t allow himself to fix it. Ever.

He gently tugs at the crotch of his grey jeans to loosen up every layer of fabric there. He gets through the rest of the concert with a smile even though his arousal is making him feel disgust.

“Thank you for being such a great crowd, we have been One Direction,” Harry says into his mic before the boys run off.

Everyone is still buzzing, Louis can’t stop purposely bumping into every boy, need to release all of his leftover giddiness. Harry holds him tightly before throwing him over his shoulder. “Back to the hotel, yeah?” He asks the older boy.

“I’m not ready to sleep yet,” Louis replies as he tries to shake out of Harry’s grip.

“Hey, hey, love, I’ll drop you,” Harry warns him if he continues. “Would hate to end such a good night with a broken nose.”

“… It has been a good night,” Louis agrees. “One of the best nights of my life, to be quite honest.”

Harry smiles before swinging open the car door and carefully sitting Louis down inside. Liam slides in right next to them. Louis sighs, his adrenaline wearing off and finally making him fatigued. He rests his head on Harry’s bony shoulder and yawns as his eyelids begin to feel heavy. “Haz, will you carry me up to my room if I fall asleep?” He asks softly. Harry smiles at his sleepy face and nods.

“You two lovebirds,” Liam mumbles with a fond smile. Louis gives him the finger before snuggling himself more comfortably into Harry’s side.

The car brakes rather abruptly just outside their hotel and makes Louis wake. “Jesus,” he groans as he rubs his eyes. And maybe Harry’s a little disappointed that he won’t be carrying Louis up to his room.

Harry turns his TV on before switching off his bedroom light, giving the room a blue glow. He takes a quick shower to wash off all the sweat from the show and sugar that Louis managed to get on him. He wraps his towel around his soft hips and steps out of the en suite. He removes the towel from his hips and dries his hair with it as much as he can. He decides to sleep naked for the first time. He slides under his sheets, finally being introduced to the feeling of having no barriers between your body and bed. He pulls the sheets close and shuts his eyes.

Near 01:00, his door creaks open and the little slit of light is enough for him to startle awake. He watches as a figure peeks in. Their tiny voice squeaks out, “Harry?” And he should be relieved that it’s Louis, but he isn’t. He really isn’t.

He wants to pretend he hadn’t woken up but Harry knows Louis’s little things too well, and just by the sound of his voice, he knows that he needs to talk. He lets his lungs fill and empty before croaking out, “Yeah, Lou?”

“Can I talk to you for a mo’?” He asks politely.

“Sure,” Harry answers. The older boy steps in and shuts the door behind himself, leaving the room unlit by anything but the moon flowing in through the curtains. Harry feels more confident in this darkness so he sits up a little, but he doesn’t let the covers go too low. “What’s up, mate?”

“I… Um… I—,” Louis nearly chokes on his own saliva. He calms himself down. “I don’t know. You’re my best friend, yeah?” Harry nods. “Yeah. So… I feel like I should be able to trust you with this. Harry, I’m not like… Zayn, Liam, or Niall. Or at least, I don’t think I am.” Harry isn’t like Zayn, Liam, or Niall either, but he _knows_ it. “I like— Tonight, being on stage in a gay club made me really happy, ya know? And it’s because… I felt free. I felt like I was around people that understood me. And what I am saying is that… I. Am. Gay.”

Louis bites his lip, and even in the moonlight, Harry can make out the shiny tears that begin to roll out of his eyes. He sighs before growing the courage to wrap his arms around the older boy and lay him down. “It’s okay, Louis. You don’t have to cry,” Harry whispers as he wipes the tears off Louis’s face. “You know, this won’t change anything. I still love you the same. I’m still going to cuddle you the same. I’m not going to back away because now I know you like boys. And I’m sure the other boys will feel the same.”

Louis smiles before embracing Harry and pulling him closer. “Thank you. God, that felt so good to finally get out. I love you, Harry,” Louis says. “No homo.”

Harry bites back a laugh. “I love you too, you idiot,” Harry replies. “But I’m naked under these sheets so I’m going to go pull on some boxers if you don’t mind.”

Louis chuckles a little nervously before letting go of the younger boy. Harry has his hands censoring his crotch before he even leaves the privacy of his sheets. He keeps his backside towards Louis as he goes to his suitcase and pulls out plain black boxer shorts. He snaps the elastic band on his hips and hurries back to the bed. He returns to his position with his arms all around Louis.

He feels safe in the dark. He feels safe in Louis’s arms. So quietly, he whispers, “There’s something I have to tell you, too. But I’m not ready yet.”

“That’s okay. I’ll wait,” Louis mumbles against his collarbones. “Nothing will change.”

Harry doesn’t believe it. So in the morning, he wakes up before Louis and gets dressed before the older boy sees anything.

—

Harry nearly yanks the needle out just as soon as it enters his muscle. He hisses at the knock on the bathroom door before saying, “I’m busy!” He wastes no more time in getting the fluid inside. He puts a bandaid over it and cleans up the en suite, hiding the syringe under several folds of toilet paper and placing the now empty vial in his pocket. He opens the door shortly after. “Need the toilet, love?”

“Yeah. I’ve been holding it in forever. The restaurant Niall took me to had a gross bathroom that I couldn’t handle even stepping in,” Louis whines as he dodges Harry and rushes in. Harry loves Louis, he really does, but rooming with him always keeps him on edge.

Harry carefully stretches his arms as he walks across the room to his suitcase to fish out his toothbrush. He’s zipping up his case just as soon as Louis steps out, confusion and worry on his face. “What’s wrong?” Harry asks.

“Haz… Why is there a syringe in the bin?” He asks, and Harry can hear his heart beating in his ears as it travels up his throat. “You okay, H? Do I have to be worried about it?”

“N-no,” Harry stutters. “I’m not… a heroine addict or anything.”

“Okay. I’m going to believe you,” Louis replies. He crosses their distance and hooks his arms around Harry’s neck, breathing in his scent. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Harry says, muffled by his shoulder. “I’m not a drug addict, Louis. I promise you.”

“Then can you tell me what the syringe is for?”

“No.”

“Okay,” Louis says a little sadly. Harry knows he wants the truth, but he just can’t yet. This is probably the best time to come clean, but he can’t. He can’t handle the possible outcomes of the conversation.

Harry decides he needs something more discreet. And soon. After tonight’s show, they have a little 3 day break. He’ll use it well.

Louis lets go of Harry, and the younger boy immediately picks his phone up from the bed. He texts his mum to get him an appointment. He doesn’t realize Louis’s still watching him until he finishes sending the message. He tosses his phone back onto the mattress and walks back to the en suite to brush his teeth. In the mirror, he sees Louis staring at his phone like all the truth lies within it. And yeah, it does.

It’s a strange day, and Harry hates himself for it. He hates himself for not being as careful as he usually is (but he was rushed so he forgives himself a little). And he hates himself for making it a secret. He could’ve been honest from the start.

Louis’s touchy today but not in the way Harry likes. He’s hesitant and careful about it. He’s not laughing and bumping into him with the goal of annoying him a little. And he mostly ignores Harry on stage. He doesn’t have his usual luster, leaving the younger boy just as dull, maybe more. Harry blames himself. So when he gets back to the hotel after the show, he immediately packs his bag and rings his mum, telling her he’s going to be home _tonight_. Maybe after the 3 days pass, he’ll be able to tell Louis. But the future doesn’t look so clear when he has tears in his eyes.

He wipes his eyes before he steps out of the room in case he runs into Louis. He can’t let him know or worry over why he’s leaving so soon. He’s lucky because he doesn’t run into the older boy. But the older boy isn’t so lucky because when he leaves Zayn’s room to return to his shared room, it’s empty.

Harry’s phone buzzes in his pocket but he doesn’t whip it out because he knows it’s Louis, who has just found that Harry has run away instead of wanting to confront him about things. He sits back in his seat and stares at the head of his driver. He’ll be home in two hours at most.

Louis fidgets uneasily at the lack of a reply and goes back to Zayn’s room. “He’s gone,” He says as soon as he steps inside. “God, and he won’t reply to my text. What if he’s doing something stupid?”

“Chill, Louis. I’m sure he’s going to see his mum. You know he always bounces back after being with his mum,” Zayn assures him. Louis takes a deep breath and tries to trust Zayn’s thoughts.

“Okay,” Louis replies tiredly. He’s about to leave but he turns back around. “Has… Has Harry ever told you a secret?”

“Um, no,” Zayn says with an eyebrow arched in question. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” Louis lies but he really does know. He exits the room.

Back in his room, he sends a quick little text to Anne.

**Harry and I seem to have gotten in a little situation. He won’t reply to me. Please let me know if he’s okay. Thank you. -Louis xx**

He tries to go to sleep, but it’s more difficult knowing his Harry isn’t near.

—

Harry exits the doctor's office feeling better than the day before. “A bit more expensive, but better for your situation. No more needles!” His mum says cheerfully, gently pinching his side. He smiles. “Also, babe, you should talk to Louis. Not about this, but just let him know you're doing well. He probably wouldn't have let me sleep if he was any more worried.”

Harry sighs before nodding. He did kind of fuck up by just leaving like that. But he panicked, he couldn't talk to Louis about it without it going back to the rocks. “Okay, I will,” He agrees, rubbing a hand over his arm nervously. He mindlessly feels at his arm hair, hair that he's acquired in only the past year really. “Maybe... He can come over or something.”

“If he's coming over, see if he can get Jay to join. Haven't seen her a while.” Even after the events in the past 24 hours, Harry's veins still bubble with warmth when he realizes just how close he is with Louis. They'll probably be engaged to be married by next year at this rate. Maybe a few months even.

In the car, Harry types up a message.

**I'm doing fine, Boo. Just needed some time to get my head straight. Sorry for worrying you. You should come by? (Maybe invite your mum too. My mum misses her.) H**

He hesitates before pressing send. His life is tangled with Louis's, so things can't go wrong because there will be nowhere to escape him completely. They're in the same band for fucks sake. His phone buzzes him out of his thoughts.

**I'll come by. Haven't gone home so don't think I can bring my mum, soz. I'm glad ur fine. -Louis xx**

Harry starts tapping on his thigh nervously, wondering how their interaction is going to go. Will Louis avoid talking to him about it? Or just pry it out? He considers canceling his invite. But he doesn't. He looks over to his mother and says, “Louis’s coming over. Jay can't come though.”

She sighs. “That's okay.”

Louis is at Harry's door in two hours. He knocks a little beat, trying to let everyone know that he isn't nervous. Not at all.

But really, he's ready to burst with how nervous he is to see Harry. Louis's definitely in love with the boy, the boy is probably a drug addict, and Louis is in love with the boy. He chews on his thumb for a few seconds before he hears the low clicking noises coming from the doorknob. “Hi, Louis,” Anne says with a bright smile on her face. Louis returns the gesture before opening his arms and pulling her into a hug.

“Hi, Anne,” Louis replies. “He okay?”

“Yeah. He's just in the lounge. Come in,” she steps aside to allow him entrance. Louis immediately spots a head of curls resting on the living room couch. His anxiety is replaced by how much he already misses Harry and he hurries over, jumping into his lap. Whatever Harry is, drug addict or not, Louis will help him but not let it change how they are. “You two can go upstairs to talk if you'd like,” Anne suggests as she walks into the lounge. The two boys figure that would be best. Harry pats Louis's thigh, silently asking him to get off for a moment.

Louis follows Harry upstairs to his bedroom. Harry shuts the door behind him and slowly turns around to face Louis, who has already made himself comfortable on the bed. “Sorry for leaving like that,” Harry replies. “I had a doctor's appointment and stuff.”

“It's okay, Haz,” Louis says. He doesn’t fully believe the appointment story but he won’t budge it. “I shouldn't have been so weird all day. We're okay. Right?”

“Yeah, totally,” Harry confirms with a smile that is just barely forced. Louis reaches out his arms and Harry walks over before falling into them. “Also... I'm still not a drug addict. You can tell my mum about the syringes and she’ll tell you she knows about them.”

“I trust you, I trust you,” Louis coos as he strokes Harry’s soft hair out of his face. Harry wants to kiss him. Harry always wants to kiss him. “I’m really glad… that this was a very simple fix.”

Except it really hasn’t been fixed. Sure, Harry left in the middle of the night and they reunited shortly after. But Louis still knows that Harry is hiding something from him, and Harry’s not strong enough to tell him about the thing that can leave him in a disturbingly numb state, where he is so distant from his body that he needs to figure out ways to bring himself back. Even if it means hurting himself.

Here, slotted against Louis, he is overly aware of his body but he’s calm. His limbs feel heavy and his eyelids droop. “Not everything is fixed,” Harry murmurs. “But one day, it could be.”

Louis’s becoming increasingly more distressed over these vague messages. Harry’s always been mysterious from the moment they met, a part of him always inaccessible. Maybe Louis’s greedy for wanting every part of him, good and bad and horrible. He presses his lips to the younger boy’s forehead, wishing he could just kiss information out of him. “Are you going to nap, Harry?” He whispers.

“No,” Harry breathes before falling asleep. Louis listens to the long, steady breathing of the boy in his arms. He can’t help himself from carefully grabbing his arm, turning it over, and sighing in relief at the lack of marks. Of course, there is another arm but Louis is optimistic.

The springs sing under his weight as he cautiously rolls out of bed to empty his bladder. He watches Harry for a few seconds, looking for signs that he disturbed his sleep. But luckily, nothing. He opens his bedroom door and pads down the hall to the toilet.

Exiting the bathroom, he and Anne startle each other. “Sorry, Anne,” He says with a chuckle as he places a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“It’s fine, Lou. You and Harry work things out?” She asks, smile declining only a little.

“Yeah,” Louis answers a little stiffly. “I… Um, he told me I could ask you about his syringes?”

Her eyes widen with surprise. “Ah, that’s— I’m not sure how much I’m allowed to tell you about them,” she says a little anxiously. “But I know what he uses them for. I was the one who’d first give him his shots when he was younger. When he trusts you enough, he’ll tell you. Give him some time, he’ll come around. He loves you a lot, you know?”

Louis nods, still so very confused about every thing that’s been going on. He has no clue what Harry’s secret is. Anne gives him a brief hug before going on her way. He returns to the younger boy’s room and finds him sitting up, rubbing at his eyes. He smiles tiredly at the boy who’s just entered the room. “Welcome back to reality, my favorite 17-year-old,” Louis says as he returns to the bed and brings Harry close. “I love you.”

Harry’s taken aback by his unexpected verbal affection. But he quickly responds with, “I love you too.”

“I realized I loved you even more after I came out to you,” Louis adds. “Any doubt I had just vanished. And one day, I’ll be ready to tell the rest of the boys. So thank you.”

Harry smiles brightly at him. “You should just kiss me as thanks,” Harry giggles, a little smirk on his lips right after. Louis’s eyes widen with amusement before he grabs Harry’s face and kisses him, lips smacking loudly. He almost kisses the inside of Harry’s mouth when he starts laughing loudly. Soon he joins Harry in his laughter. When their peals of laughter die out, Harry sighs happily before saying, “You’re incredible.”

Louis’s so in love with every part of Harry he knows. He wishes he could know the rest of him. (And naturally, fall in love with those parts too.)

—

Louis wakes up when the sun still hasn’t climbed into the sky with his face pressed against Harry’s shaking, sweaty back. Swiftly, the younger boy tears himself out of his arms and runs out of the room in the direction of the restroom. Louis gives him a few seconds before he slips out of his bed and follows his path.

The fluorescent light in the bathroom stings Louis’s eyes as he focuses on the boy hugging the toilet with his arms, crying as quietly as he can in the dead of night. It’s a heartbreaking scene and Louis needs to found out what caused it.

Even with the stench of vomit growing stronger as he nears, he kneels down beside Harry and squeezes his shoulder. “You sick, Haz?” he asks, bringing his hair out of his eyes and away from the danger of hanging so closely to the contaminated toilet water. The boy gives the smallest of head shakes. “Okay. What’s up?”

“Just a bad dream,” he croaks out. Louis doesn’t think he could even conceptualize how bad, he threw up, for fuck’s sake.

“You want to talk about it?” Louis says.

Harry flushes the toilet before answering with, “I don’t know.” He wipes his mouth and nose with the back of his hand before standing up. He washes out his mouth with a rinse and waters away the sleep in his eyes. He looks at Louis from the mirror, he seems to be doing this a lot more recently, and turns around to face him. “I’m okay.”

“And I don’t believe it for a second,” the older boy replies with slight defiance. But Harry’s body is still too drained to want to fight back.

“Can we fight in the morning? I don’t want to wake my mum up,” Harry asks, dragging the heel of his palm across his eyelid. “Please, Lou.”

“Okay,” Louis sighs before he takes Harry’s hand and pulls him out of the restroom. They walk back to the bedroom hand in hand. It makes Harry feel better, feel safe. Harry doesn’t want to lie down beside Louis with a shirt that smells of puke so he sheds it. He considers getting back into bed without one.

“I want to sleep without my shirt again,” Harry says outside of his head and into the dark. “But I don’t want you to focus on my body.”

“Okay, then I won’t,” Louis says from the bed. Harry pulls off his shirt. He makes his way to Louis and crawls into his bed beside him. It’s warm beside him, extremely warm.

“You can… You can take off your shirt too,” Harry informs him with a voice that sounds absent. But Louis does, he slips off his shirt. The light in the room is just enough to make out the soft lines of his body. Harry is stuck in a trance as he brushes his fingers against Louis’s beautiful chest, smooth save for a few hairs and unaltered. This is what he wants.

Louis just watches in awe at his gentle touch. It’s wrong that such a tender action has him slowly swelling up in his shorts. Harry lets out a little breath of amazement as he slides his fingers over the small swell of Louis’s pec. His hands run up, feeling his neck and rubbing against the minor stubble beginning to grow on his jaw. This is what he wants.

“Louis,” Harry breathes. “You’re perfect.”

With his out of proportion hands on Louis’s jaw, the older boy can’t help himself from blurting out, “I want to kiss you. Badly.”

“…Then do it,” Harry replies. Louis wastes no time in bringing his hands behind Harry’s head and capturing his lips. It doesn’t take much for the kiss to become heated. Louis skin feels on fire, taking his shirt off completely useless. But he likes it.

He rolls Harry onto his back, hovering above him and still licking around his minty mouth. He feels Harry’s knee in between his legs, gently nudging at his growing cock. He tries to repay him the same favor but the younger boy stops kissing him with a yelp. “Don’t like that?” Louis asks. The boy nods bashfully. “Okay. It’s okay. Just thought I’d give back.”

“You don’t need to,” Harry replies before bringing him back into the kiss. But it goes against Louis’s nature to take, take, and not reciprocate. Harry makes his hand a wall between Louis’s knee and his crotch just in case it unintentionally happens again. But he continues to grind his knee into Louis’s semi. He pulls away for a moment to whisper, “I just want to make you cum.” And that helps Louis’s dick fatten up quicker.

Louis has had plenty fantasies of Harry and himself doing the dirtiest things. It resulted in his sheets needing a wash in the morning. But the real thing isn’t as raunchy as his dreams yet so much better. He likes being able to feel his breath and his body tremble gently underneath him. He likes knowing that this is real.

He works his own crotch onto Harry’s knee, chasing the flame that flies around his lower belly. His breathing picks up as he begins to catch up with that flame. “Cum, Louis. Cum,” Harry commands, stroking the hair that sticks to Louis’s forehead away. The younger boy then slaps a hand over Louis’s mouth as he cums with a loud whine. “Good job.”

He collapses on top of the younger boy and pants against his hot skin. He presses a kiss to his shoulder before he chuckles. “My pants must be a fucking mess right now,” he mumbles almost happily.

“You can borrow a pair from me,” Harry suggests. Louis nods before climbing out of the bed and walking over to Harry’s dresser. Louis loves how well Harry’s clothing fits him. He’s always had a curvier body than most boys, but he fits nicely in everything that belongs to Harry.

With new pants on, he returns to the bed. “You made me cum but I’m still going to fight you when the sun comes up,” Louis says with a giggle. Harry presses his lips to his forehead.

“You know how… you said you weren’t like the rest of the boys?” Harry reminds him. He feels Louis nod. “Well… I’m the same, Louis. But I know 100% that I’m not like you or Niall or Zayn or Liam. And I just don’t want to scare you away with the truth. I’m not in any danger, and I just want you to believe me and wait for me.”

Louis sighs. “Okay, I’ll wait for you,” Louis replies. “I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time.”

“I know. And it’s mutual.”

—

Louis comes out to the rest of the boys, and it’s the simplest coming out. He smashes his lips on Harry’s while they’re all playing Mario Kart. So Harry comes out too when he kisses back. Niall laughs in amazement watching the scene go down while Zayn stares wordlessly and Liam looks scared that they’re going to start fornicating right there. Louis pecks Harry’s bitten lips once more before he fixes his hair and takes his controller back in his hands.

“…So this is a thing then?” Zayn speaks up.

“Duh! Did you see that? It was very homo, Zayn,” Niall replies before slapping his knee and laughing again. “God, I love my life.”

“When did this happen?” Liam asks, relieved that the situation didn’t go down the path in his head.

“The night Louis slept over at my house,” Harry answers, not considering the suggestive undertone of what he’s said. Liam’s eyes widen and he turns his attention back to the screen.

“Are any of you really that surprised?” Louis asks.

“I’m not,” Niall replies, poking Louis’s side. “You were really pissed so I don’t think you remember it. But you were drunk talking and you were going on and on about how good Harry’s legs looked in the jeans he was wearing. You were reciting poetry about the curve of his arse, mate. I knew. I knew.”

Louis blushes red.

—

He takes out the bottle from his suitcase. He tugs his shirt aside to give himself access to the skin on his shoulder. He presses down on the dispenser and gives himself two pumps. He rubs the gel onto his shoulder, lets it dry just a bit, then recovers his shoulder.

America is constantly warm and sunny. Harry feels like the weather itself has brightened up his mood. But he also has to pay a good amount of credit to the warm and sunny boy he’s been waking up for the past 2 weeks now. He hopes he never has to wake up alone again. He fears that it’s gonna happen. So he enjoys it as much as he can now.

Like he called for him, Louis steps into the room and sings out, “I’m back!” Harry smiles, feeling so fucking lucky that Louis is his. Louis kisses him. Louis wants him. The older boy walks over and gives Harry a quick kiss. “We’re in San Diego tomorrow. And there are some places we have to go to, babe. We need to go to the dog beach.”

“Dogs?” Harry says with his nose scrunched up. He really doesn’t mind dogs, but he minds taking off his shirt. “I don’t know.”

“Okay, that’s okay,” Louis replies, but Harry can hear the disappointment. “What about an underwater graveyard?”

“Uh, no. I don’t want to be drowned by a zombie, thanks,” he declines. He hates being such a downer but he can’t put himself through that situation. He gives Louis a tiny kiss, hoping he’ll forgive him for being so picky.

“Do you want to do anything with me?” Louis pouts, wondering that maybe Harry’s bored of him already.

“Of course, I do. Just not those things,” he assures him. “But you should ask the other boys to check out the dog beach and graveyard with you. I’m sure one of them will join.”

“Okay, but I want to be with you.”

“I’m so boring though.”

“No, you’re not,” Louis says with a smile as he takes both of Harry’s hands, lacing their fingers together. He kisses his lips before purposely leaning too much into him and making him fall back on the bed. Harry loves this. He really loves being able to wind Louis up, but he feels like he can never fully satisfy him with his limited offerings. Harry wishes it wasn’t so challenging to give himself to Louis. Fuck, Harry can’t even give him a few hours of his day because of it. He’s going to tell him. Tomorrow. Or the day after.

Harry tears away from Louis’s kiss to hold his face in place and ask, “You love me, right?”

“Yes. I love you, Harry. You alright?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. I love you too. And… I’m almost ready to tell you. I just… need you to promise me you’ll still at least be my friend if you don’t want to be romantically involved with me after I tell you,” Harry says, bottom lip beginning to tremble. God, how could he go on without Louis after everything?

“You’re an absolute fool, Harry Styles, if you think that I’d ever want to be anything else but your boyfriend right now,” Louis replies. He decides its too early to mention anything about being his husband eventually. “Nothing can change how I feel about you.”

“Please don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying.”

Louis and Harry spend the rest of their free time hidden away in their room, talking about nothing important but Louis doesn’t go more than 5 minutes without kissing Harry and telling him that he loves him. He doesn’t want Harry to be afraid or have any doubt that his love for him is something that will ever go away.

There’s a knock at their door before it’s opened and Zayn pops in. “Time to go, boys,” he announces. Louis pecks Harry’s lips before getting out of their bed. Harry then leaves the bed also, feeling a bit more prepared to tell Louis. He can do it. He’s going to tell him… the day after tomorrow.

Backstage, Harry pulls Louis aside. “I’m going to tell you the day after tomorrow,” Harry says. “And if I don’t want to, force it out of me. I feel like you deserve to know.”

Louis takes Harry’s hand and sighs. “Babe, I’m not forcing it out of you. If I have to force it out of you, then you’re clearly not ready to tell me. I can wait,” he replies before pulling him in for a hug.

“Fuck, I love you,” Harry almost whimpers. And Harry absolutely kills it on stage.

—

After such a high, there is the lowest low. But just before the lowest low is the fall that has your stomach churning.

Harry wakes up and something doesn’t feel right immediately. His boxers feel sticky and he knows they shouldn’t. He feels his chest tighten as he slips out from under the sheets, being wary of Louis. He hurries to the bathroom as he feels himself drip. It’s overwhelming and Harry had forgotten what it was like. He’s not prepared for this. He sits down on the toilet and keeps a hand over his mouth to stifle any noises as he cries.

Louis’s sleep is bothered by the lack of warmth next to him so he wakes up with a groan. Through his squinty eyes, he looks to see how far away his boy has rolled. But he doesn’t find him. Instead he finds an empty bed spot and a large blood stain. He sees the bathroom light on and rushes over. He forgets that Harry has boundaries and bursts in. He sees a frightened Harry standing in the tub with his hands covering his crotch. “Harry, are you okay?” He panics. He can see blood streaking down Harry’s legs and drops of it on the floor. Then he sees the bloody mess in Harry’s discarded boxers. The younger boy trembles with fright as he slowly lowers his now bloody hands from his crotch. There’s no hiding anymore. In that moment, Louis doesn’t mind his manners. He scans his entire body, he eyes the two scars on his chest and looks where Harry’s dick should be. Except there is nothing but a soft mound of skin covered by only a small patch of hair. Every single question swimming around his head is answered and it hits him with incredible force. “H-Harry?”

The younger boy sits in the tub as his body shakes along with his cries. And Louis is going to comfort him soon but he needs to process. He had expected drug addiction or maybe a disease. But not this. He considers this better than his theories. Finally, he stops thinking so much and starts acting. He walks over to the tub, seeing Harry shy away from him with every step. He’s embarrassed and ashamed. He has blood on his fingers so he can’t wipe his tears or nose. He’s just a mess.

“Harry, baby,” Louis says. “I think… I think we should talk.”

Harry shakes his head. “I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lied,” Harry gasps. “I didn’t mean t-to.”

“Wha— Harry, you _never_ lied to me,” Louis comforts him, hoping the younger boy can’t hear the way his heart is breaking.

“I did. I did. I made you think I was a real boy,” Harry cries harder. And Louis’s body betrays him and starts to shake.

“Harry, Harry, love, please stop. You did not make me think anything. You are a real boy,” Louis argues. He’s not sure how to comfort a transgender person since he wasn’t aware he knew one until now. He hopes he doesn’t fuck it up. He doesn’t want to add any pain or discomfort to what Harry’s already feeling. “You are a real boy just like me and Niall and Zayn and Liam. It doesn’t matter what’s in between your legs.”

“Yes! Yes, it does!” the younger boy screams with disgust at himself. “You don’t like what I have! You don’t like _cunt_! You like boys!”

“I like you!” Louis shouts back, forgetting that the walls aren’t soundproof, but he’ll worry about that later. “I love you, Harry. I love you so much and I promised you it wouldn’t change. I love every part of you. And I love this part too.”

He lets Harry cry for a few more minutes and calm down. “Baby, you were so kind when I came out to you… This is hardly any different,” Louis coos before reaching over to pull a strand of Harry’s hair behind his ear. “You are still the same boy I fell in love with a year ago. Now I just need to know if I have to go out to get sanitary towels for you. Do you need them, Harry?”

Harry nods with humiliation. “Th-this wasn’t supposed to happen,” Harry mumbles. “I haven’t… in a long time. Oh god, I _stained_ the bed.”

“It’s okay,” Louis says softly. “I’ll take care of that. But I need you to take care of yourself right now. I’ll get your sanitary towels while you wash up. It’s okay, Harry. It’s okay.”

He doesn’t leave the en suite before kissing his beautiful boy’s forehead. Harry breathes deeply, not believing that that was real. It had gone so well. He grabs the rim of the tub and stands up, feeling his legs wobble. He cringes at the feeling of more blood spilling out of him. He doesn’t want to look down. While he’s showering, he has to blindly wash at himself and bite back his tears at the unwelcome thoroughness of his fingers.

He elongates his shower time so he doesn’t have to stuff his underwear with toilet paper while he waits for Louis. Wrinkles are set deep in his fingers when Louis steps back into the en suite with a plastic bag in his hand. “I’m back, love. Got your stuff. A few kinds. Also grabbed a pair of pants before I walked in,” Louis says as he places the items down on the closed toilet. Harry shuffles to the end of the bathtub to reach for Louis and pull him close to his wet, naked body. Louis melts into the embrace even though he’s still soaked. Harry pulls away before he starts bleeding again. “I’ll leave you to do what you need to do. I love you.”

He kisses Harry’s lips this time before exiting, a little symbol that he still wants him. Harry does his best to fix the sanitary towel onto his pants, but his pants are made for beings with penises. Not vaginas. So the pad doesn’t properly attach. But it works well enough.

Harry stands in the bathroom doorway and stares at Louis, who’s sitting and waiting for him on their bed that’s been stripped of its old spread and replaced.“…Did you not realize that you’ve never seen my baby pictures at my house?” Harry asks. “My mum took them down when I came out to her and put more recent photos up.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” Louis answers. “When… When did you find out?”

“Uh… I always had a feeling of not being… right. But I was 14 when I knew. I came out when I was 15. And I started HRT shortly after. I was 7 months on testosterone when we met.”

“Testosterone? That’s what you used the syringes for, innit?”

“Yeah. I think that’s also why I’m bleeding right now. I didn’t want you to find any more of my syringes. So I switched to gel a month ago. And I don’t think it was enough testosterone,” Harry explains. He didn’t mind the needles, in fact, he preferred them. He didn’t have to worry about his application spot drying before he was touched by anyone. And he just always felt like it worked best.

“When did you… get your chest done?” Louis asks.

“Remember when I told you my mum and I were vacationing in Jamaica?” Louis nods. “We were actually home while I was recovering.”

There’s a knock at the door. Harry shuts himself in the bathroom and leaves Louis to tend to the person at the door. “You lads okay?” Liam asks as he slowly opens the door. Louis stands up and walks over. “Niall said he heard screaming earlier. But he was too scared to come check. You alright?”

“Yeah. We’re fine. Harry just fell in the shower and bruised his bum a little,” Louis lies with a smile. “And then he yelled at me for laughing at him.”

Liam chuckles. “Okay. Where is he?”

“Still in the toilet, fixing up his hair and whatnot. He’s a very beautiul boy, Liam, and he works hard for it. My beautiful boy.”

“God, okay. I’m going to leave before you melt away to a puddle of Harry-love.”

Louis steps into the toilet, finding his lovely boy pacing. “I… I got blood on the floor,” Harry says, the drops standing out so greatly against the white tile.

“We’ll get it out,” Louis replies, hoping to provide Harry’s mind more ease. He takes Harry’s hand and leads him out of the bathroom. Harry sits himself down on the bed and sighs. The worst has passed but he’s functioning the way he did before testosterone and that isn’t okay. He cups his hands in front of his mouth and breathes deeply. “You okay, babe? Do you want me to ring your mum?”

God, that sounds like a good idea. He shakes his head furiously and Louis immediately fishes his mobile out of his pocket. He goes to Anne’s contact and calls her. “Hi, Anne. Hope we’re not bothering but I thought Harry would want to speak to you,” he says before handing the phone to the younger boy. He sits down beside him and places a hand on his shoulder.

Harry tries to even out his talking. “Hi, mum. I-I, um, I got my menses today…Yeah, yeah, he knows. He took it incredibly well,” Harry breaks out into a smile through his tears and looks up at his boyfriend. How did he get so lucky? “I think… I think I need to get back onto injections. I don’t really like the gel too much… I miss you and I wish you were here. What are you up to?”

Louis lies back on the bed while Harry continues to speak to his mum. Slowly, he can hear the brightness in Harry’s voice go up as time goes on. Louis adores how much Harry loves his mum. He hangs up the phone and hands it back to Louis.

Louis yanks him closer and kisses his face. “How’s my boy feeling?” He asks again, stroking his face.

“Better… I just don’t like the feeling. It makes me so much more aware of that… thing,” Harry answers. “Are you… Are you sure you still want to be with me? I can totally feel for you if you don’t.”

Louis groans a bit. “Harry, my love for you isn’t entirely physical, you realize that? I love you and I want to learn how to help you in any way I can if it means you’re happy,” he intertwines their fingers. “We’re in this together.”

Harry is dizzy with how much he loves Louis. He starts crying and freaks Louis out, making him worry that he’s said the wrong thing. Harry shakes his head and composes himself. “You know, the approval of men… means a lot to me,” Harry starts. Louis raises an eyebrow but waits for him to go on. “I came out to both of my parents when I was 14, Lou. And my dad, he didn’t like it at all. My mum was on the fence about it. But eventually, she came around and helped me get on testosterone. One day, he— he walked in on her giving me my T shot. He took the syringe and stepped on it. He said really… bad things to me and her. And then he left… So I have like… daddy issues and constantly look to males to validate my gender.”

“Oh, Haz,” Louis kisses his head and sighs. “You don’t need other people to tell you you’re a real boy. You are a boy regardless.”

“It’s just really hard sometimes… I had dreams where people find out I’m trans and a majority of our fans leave because I’m not who they thought, and I essentially ruin all of our careers. I had dreams where you leave me because you find out or I’m too much to handle after a while,” Harry says. “I had dreams where I’m murdered because the world knows I’m trans.”

“Oh, fuck,” Louis can’t stomach the idea. “I will never let anyone hurt you, Harry. I will end them before they can even touch you.”

But Harry hasn’t had those dreams in a while. He thinks they stopped right around the time he started to sleep beside Louis with the knowledge that they belonged to each other. The arm wrapped firmly around his waist kept him from floating away to the dark cloud that lived in his head.

—

Louis is led into the kitchen by Anne and he sees his boy sitting at the island with his breakfast plate in front of him. The younger boy beams and jumps out of his chair to go jump in his arms. “Hi, Haz,” Louis says brightly as he spins him around before walking him back to his seat. Harry plops back onto his chair and Louis presses their lips together, nothing more since he isn’t sure if Anne is in the room or not. “I want to take you out.”

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere it’ll only be you and I,” He replies in a slight whisper, though it’s not really a secret. He’d asked Anne the day before if he could take Harry out and bring him back the next morning. “You should go upstairs and get dressed, pack a small bag. Bring shorts, it’s supposed to be a bit warm today.”

Harry gives him a kiss before sliding out of his chair and hurrying upstairs. Louis stays put. Now that they’re together, both his and Harry’s mum have put some room restrictions. But they made the rules lightly. They have faith their sons won’t shag in their homes, and if they do, they don’t want to know about it. But having sex really is the last thing on their minds.

“Thank God you’re here to steal him away,” Anne says as Louis sits down where Harry once was. “There hasn’t been a day in the past week without him sneaking in something about you. I think you broke my son, the tree in our backyard reminds him of you.”

Louis stares at his hands as he blushes and laughs. “He’s wonderful,” Louis says more to himself than Anne. “He’s always wonderful.”

“I can’t seem to escape the disgusting love anywhere,” she giggles as she slides into the seat next to Louis, holding her mug of tea in her hands. “Tea?”

“Uh, no, thanks. Might not finish it before Harry comes down.”

“… I’m glad you two found each other,” she mumbles before brining her cuppa to her lips.

Louis clears his throat before saying something equally as sappy, “I’m glad you let him live his life.” Anne smiles softly, understanding what Louis is saying.

“When he told me and his dad, I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. But I… saw how it affected him when we weren’t on his side,” she recalls. “He wasn’t as bright. I didn’t want to be the parent that clipped their child’s wings, ya know? I decided that I had to let go of my Margaret and love my Harry before I lost both.” Louis rubs her back comfortingly upon seeing the single tear slip out of her eye. She chuckles embarrassingly as she wipes it away. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, love. I cried like a baby nearly every time he talked about being transgender,” Louis says. It was especially bad when Harry had his period back to haunt him. He’d seem happy but he wouldn’t want to leave the bed or even shower. He was a ghost the entire time. “I’d be sad over his struggles or extremely proud of him for how far he’s come along. Crying’s okay.”

She hugs him and Louis returns it. “Looks like I’m missing out on the love fest,” Harry says, announcing his presence. Louis pulls away to see his boyfriend dressed in a simple white t-shirt and navy blue cargo shorts with a backpack slung on his shoulder.

“Ready to go?” Louis asks. The younger boy gives him a double thumbs up. “Okay. Bye, Anne. I’ll bring him back in one piece tomorrow.”

He kisses her cheek before getting to Harry’s side. “Bye, mum! Love you!”

It’s extremely dangerous to do so. But with the windows down and the sun splitting through Harry’s hair, he can’t stop himself from taking a picture of him with his phone. “Lou! No!” He laughs. “You’re going to kill us.”

He takes Louis’s phone from him and takes pictures of the older boy instead. Then he starts filming him. “Get that camera outta me face, Haz,” he says, trying to reach for it without taking his eyes off of the road for too long.

“No, I need to document this moment. How do you feel?”

“I feel like dropping you off in the middle of nowhere.”

“You wouldn’t though.”

Louis smiles and nods, “I wouldn’t.” Harry lowers the camera to lovingly smile at him. Then Louis snatches his phone back. “I am your kryptonite, Haz.”

“Fuck off,” Harry says before leaning over to kiss his cheek. “So where are we going, Louis?”

“We’ll be arriving soon. Patience, love,” he replies as he reaches over to take his hand and hold it in his slap.

It’s special little moments like this where Harry wishes he could go back in time and tell his younger self that there will be someone in the future that loves him. All those tears weren’t necessary. He is loved.

They’re at a beach, and Harry gets a little nervous. “Lou?” he croaks out. Louis knows he doesn’t like taking his shirt off in front of people who don’t know he’s trans.

“What?” Louis asks as he turns to see the panic slowly filling Harry’s body. “Baby, no. I rented us a private beach house. You’re okay. I just… thought you might’ve liked a beach day where you don’t have to worry about people seeing the scars.”

That makes Harry recover from his panic.

Louis and Harry carry the bags the older boy has in the boot to the beach house, Louis getting sand in his espadrilles because Harry kicks it at his feet. Louis is going to get him back but later.

The house is rather large with it’s massive master bedroom, kitchen, and greatly spaced living room that extends to the deck outside, separated by the glass door. But Harry discovers there’s more. In the master bedroom, he steps into the bathroom to pee and sees a large bathtub. The biggest he’s ever seen, and he has a little fantasy about it.

He pulls the curtains aside to step onto the balcony and finds a pool. He wonders how much this all cost, but he doesn’t really worry about it. They’ve had a steady flow of money coming in ever since they joined the band.

Louis steps behind him and wraps his arms around his waist. “What d’ya think?” He asks.

“Bit excessive with the pool. We have a piece of the ocean to ourselves,” Harry says with feigned seriousness.

“Damn. I knew the pool was a miss,” he replies before kissing Harry’s cheek. “Do you want to check the water now? I packed us both trunks, wasn’t sure if you had any.”

Harry nods and Louis immediately goes to grab their gear. “You got me… the brightest fucking shorts, Lou,” Harry says as he slips them on over his bare bum. He straightens out his yellow trunks and looks at himself in the large mirror set up in front of the bed. They hug his hips nicely, just barely digging into his love handles.

“Do you like them though?” Louis asks as he steps beside him to also see how he looks in his red and white striped shorts. The younger boy nods. Louis smiles and kisses his lips. “Let’s go.”

Harry’s ready to run for the water. But Louis stops him. “ _Louis_ ,” he whines.

“Sunscreen, babe. I read that the sun can make your scars permanently darker if you don’t get some sunscreen on,” he says as he pops open the top and squeezes some out onto his palm. Harry is so loved. After Louis covers Harry, the younger boy reciprocates.

Hand in hand, they walk over to the water. Harry hasn’t been to the sea in 5 years. Last time he went, he wore a blue bikini with white polkadots and his growing chest would move every time he ran or jumped. Now he’s wearing yellow shorts, showing off the scars on his chest and holding the hand of the boy who loves and accepts every part of him. He’s happy.

Louis splashes Harry with water and Harry splashes him back. “Fuck, Harry, you got water in my eye,” Louis groans. Harry immediately wades over and goes to check. But Louis grabs his waist and dunks him in the water.

“You, bastard!” Harry laughs, sputtering lightly as he brings his wet hair out of his eyes.

“What’d I say? Kryptonite,” he says with a smug look on his face. Harry kisses the smugness off his face.

“It’s getting dark and cold,” Harry says after he pulls away.

“Want to get inside and wash off?” Harry nods. Louis carries the younger boy to the house even though both of Harry’s legs work just fine. But he doesn’t question it.

They quickly rinse off in the shower with their shorts on while the bathtub fills. Harry always feels a little nervous before getting naked, knowing he’s going to be close to Louis who will also be naked. But he’s slowly overcoming it. He pulls off his shorts after Louis puts a bubbly solution in the water and gets in. He doesn’t have to look beyond his waist and neither does Louis.

Louis sinks into the water right in front of his boy and smiles. “You make me so happy,” he says as he leans in to press a soft kiss to Harry’s neck. He then sits back, resting against the tub. Harry doesn’t care if he might regret it, but he crawls over Louis’s legs and straddles his hips. Louis is surprised but brings Harry into his arms. The younger boy rests his head against Louis’s chest and listens to the beat of his heart. Even without any barriers between them, Harry still needs Louis so much closer.

“Louis?”

“Hmm?”

“… I want to have sex,” Harry says. “With you, by the way.”

Louis giggles, “I was hoping it was with me. D-do you want to go right now?”

“No… Just when… we’re in the mood for it. I just needed to tell you that having sex is something I want with you in the near future,” he adds. “And maybe that’ll be tomorrow morning or in an hour… since this is as good a time as any.”

“Okay, whatever you want, darling,” he whispers before kissing the top of Harry’s head. “But I should tell you that I didn’t pack any condoms. So we’ll just have to pray that there are condoms in this house.”

“We don’t need them… Do we?” Harry says.

With a tiny shrug, Louis replies, “Safe sex is kind of important, Haz.”

Harry hums. “Okay, then we’ll use them. But if there aren’t any, we’re still doing it, yeah?”

“If you want to.”

“I want to.”

Louis comes back upstairs and sighs. “I only found extremely expired condoms in the bathroom downstairs,” He says as he shuts the bedroom door behind him. “I could just go to the nearest shop and buy some.”

But Harry just really wants him now and doesn’t want him to go further away from him anymore. “I really… really need you right now,” He says from where he sits in the center of the bed.

Louis isn’t one to deny Harry of what he needs so he goes over to him and kisses his lips. “I’m going to get the lube and we’ll start,” he says. The reason for his lube and lack of condoms isn’t that Louis wanted unprotected sex. But that he didn’t expect sex and he likes to use lube instead of lotion or his spit when wanking. He's classy that way.

He returns to the bed with a bottle of lube in his hand and gives Harry a smile. “How do I position myself?” Harry asks.

“Uh, you can do it on your back but I don’t think you’d like that very much. Does hands and knees sound good?” Harry nods and gets into that position. He feels Louis shuffle until he’s behind him. He feels so exposed but his blood feels warm with excitement. “Ready, babe?” Louis asks as he presses tiny kisses to Harry’s bum. He sees Harry nod and then slowly pushes his lubricated finger against the ring of muscle.

Harry shuts his eyes and lets out a small sound, feeling Louis’s finger inside of him and rubbing against his walls. He’s sure he’d like it so much more if he was used to it, but he’d never dared to explore his body beyond his genitalia. He tried it, hated it, and decided masturbating wasn’t for him. His body never made him feel good so he never bothered to make his body feel good.

When Louis puts a second finger in, things get a little more interesting for Harry. Louis scissors his fingers and Harry’s done for. The gentle sting from the stretch is enough to have his arms and legs trembling. Louis notices and eats it up. “You like that, babe?” Louis asks hungrily. Harry bites his lip as he whimpers and nods. He finally remembers and takes notice of the large mirror in front of their bed. The way they’re placed, it looks like Louis’s already fucking Harry. It’s so hot, Harry can’t wait till it isn’t just an illusion. He looks down at his arms and hopes that they don’t give out immediately. He’s torn away from his thoughts when he yelps, feeling something wet and warm on his hole. He snaps his neck around to see Louis licking him open with his two fingers still inside.

Harry’s sure he’s going to burst with the immense amount of pleasure filling his body. He’s not sure he can handle a 3rd finger without cumming. And yes, he has the ability to cum as much as he wants but he wants it to be fair between him and Louis. He doesn’t cum when a 3rd finger is added.

“ _LouisLouisLouis_ ,” he mewls. “I’m ready.”

Louis slips his tongue out of Harry and lubes himself up. After aligning the tip of his cock with Harry’s hole, he carefully slides himself in. Harry’s back arches more and more with every inch. When Louis pulls out to slam himself back in, he cries out in ecstasy as his arms give out and his face is pressed against the plush duvet. He watches Louis as he fucks him with fire in his eyes. It’s too much and not enough.

Harry wiggles his hips to create a new sensation, and they both love it. Louis presses his chest against Harry’s back and pulls aside his hair to kiss his shoulder. “Feel good, darling?” He asks breathlessly as he slows down the snap of his hips and fucks into his lovely boy slowly. Harry whines in reply, too blissed out of his mind to form any intelligent response. “You’re such a good boy. My good boy.” Harry whimpers as he feels his orgasm building. The involuntary clenching around Louis’s dick is enough of a signal for him to speed up his thrusts. “You can cum, baby. You’ve been such a good boy for me.”

Harry feels his body shoot out beams of light as he experiences the first orgasm of his life. Like his arms, his wobbly legs give out also, leaving his entire body laid against the bed and Louis on top of him. Louis fucks him through his orgasm, already starting him up for his next one. “L-Louis?” He speaks up, voice sounding wrecked.

“Yes, love?”

“Can you… I want you to cum inside of me,” Harry requests. “If that’s o-okay.”

“More than okay,” he replies as he brings his arms around Harry’s waist and pulls him up onto his knees, picking up his speed. Harry hangs his head back and rests it on Louis’s shoulder. The older boy can hear his moans so much better now, encouraging him to do his best.

The heat in Louis’s lower belly begins to spill everywhere and travel throughout his body. “Cum one more time for me. I’m going to cum soon, darling,” He warns before kissing behind his ear. Harry’s hand reaches for one of the hands on his waist before taking it and lacing their fingers together. Harry cums again when he feels the sticky, wet warmth filling his hole. They both fall over, weakened by their orgasms. Louis kisses Harry’s shoulder. “Such a good boy. Took me so well,” he whispers as he carefully pulls out of Harry.

Harry feels his well-loved hole dripping out Louis’s cum and he smiles bashfully to himself. “I love you,” he says, too exhausted to turn around and say it to his face.

“I love you too,” Louis replies. “Forever.”

—

“You okay, Harry?” Anne asks when her son and Louis walk into the house. “You got a bit of a limp there…”

“Yeah,” Harry says, trying to fight off his blush. “Lou and I were playing footie and I tripped.”

“I could get you a frozen bag of peas or something, love,” she offers.

“Nah, I’m fine, mum,” he insists before kissing her cheek. “I’m gonna go upstairs with Louis and rest a bit.”

“Alright, behave, you two,” she says smugly, trying to embarrass them. But their secret keeps that from happening.

Upstairs, Harry says, “I want to see the rest of the lads. Feels like it’s been too long.”

“Yeah? Want to call them up and meet at one spot?”

“We should go to Niall’s. His flat is nice,” Harry suggests. Louis kisses his cheek as he pulls his mobile out of his pocket. He texts all the boys about having a little lads’ day. They all agree to it and plan to meet at Niall’s place. Harry turns onto his other side to lay an arm on Louis’s stomach. “I think I’m ready to come out to them.”

Louis’s eyes widen with delight. “And what’s brought this on, darling?” Louis asks.

“Uh, just feel safe enough to do it now. Knowing that I have you. And my mum, of course. Nothing else really matters,” he answers. “I love my mates and don’t want any secrets between us. Don’t want to lie anymore.”

Louis frowns a little. “But Harry, you’re not lying to them,” He says. “You’re not pretending to be a boy. You are a boy. I support you in coming out, but not if you think your identity is a lie.”

Harry nods. “You’re right. I’m not a liar,” He mumbles.

An hour later, they’re driving to Niall’s flat, which is a good distance from Harry’s house. But not as far as the beach they visited. As the distance is slowly eliminated, Harry is surprised he isn’t feeling a weight on his chest. He’s not nervous. He doesn’t know if this is a sign that he’s grown or a measure of how much the rest of the boys really mean to him. He decides on the former.

Niall lets them into his flat with a smile. “How are my favorite lovebirds?” He says, scratching Harry’s head.

“Good,” Louis answers.

“But I came here to do something,” Harry adds. The three step into the living room where Liam and Zayn are sat on the couch. “Hi, lads.”

Niall sits down beside them and signals Harry to go on. “I want to see what this is about,” Niall says. “My first guess is on a marriage proposal but figure it’s still too early for that, innit?”

Harry blushes and nods. He looks over at Louis for strength and takes his hand to anchor him. “What’s up, Harry?” Zayn asks, becoming a bit concerned now. Liam shares his facial expression.

“Um, for the first 15 years of my life, my name was Margaret. Margaret Styles,” He says. He takes a deep breath to steady himself. “So I’m just letting you all know that I’m… transgender because I love you all and I know I can trust that you’ll still love me.”

“You’re transgender?” Niall asks, wondering if he was just hearing things. Harry nods. Niall punches his knee and beams. “I need to quit this fucking singing job and work as a psychic or something. Fuck!”

He stands up and pulls Harry into a hug. “Wait, what?” Harry asks with a laugh. “What do you mean?”

“I’m so good. I knew you and Louis were gay for each other and I had a feeling you were trans,” Niall clarifies. “Hope that isn’t offensive to say, sorry if it is.”

“And… And you didn’t care to ask if I was or not?”

“Mate, you’re my fucking boy. I don’t need to know what’s in between your legs if I’m not involved with you. You’re Louis’s and I knew that from the first moment I saw the way he looked at you,” Niall says before squeezing Harry once more. “Proud of you.”

From where he stands, Louis can’t help but smile until his cheeks ache. Seeing Niall, Zayn, and Liam’s reactions makes him so glad that some greater force is looking out for Harry and surrounding him with people who support him. For the finale of his coming out, Harry takes off his shirt and shows off his battle scars that he’d acquired while giving up a piece of himself to feel more whole.

Harry sits in Louis lap and kisses him. “I love you,” he says.

“I love you too,” Louis says as he pats the younger boy’s thigh. He looks over at the three boys in the kitchen who decided to try baking as a celebration for Harry.

“…I used to be so afraid of coming out,” Harry mumbles. “But now, I can’t wait. I can’t wait for the world to know that I’m trans and you’re mine.”

Louis smiles. “You want that?” Louis asks, not in a challenging way.

“Yeah. There are trans and gay kids out there who need someone to look to. I could be that someone,” Harry says. “Maybe they’ll see that I’ve made it. And they’ll be able to make it too.”

Louis is breathless at Harry’s development. “And you’re ready for everything that comes with it? The good, the bad, everything in between?”

“Yeah. As long as I have you beside me, I feel like I can do anything,” Harry answers, staring deeply into Louis’s blue eyes. He presses a soft kiss to Louis’s lips. “You make me strong.”

Louis’s about to pull Harry into another kiss when they hear glass shatter followed by Zayn yelling, “Niall, you fucking idiot, fucking dropped the batter.”

“Louis and Harry were having a moment, I’m fucking sorry!” He apologizes.

Louis snorts before ridding of the distance between his and Harry’s lips.


End file.
